s0ulcat: r u busy today 

Working today, free tonight x

wigglytuffer:

dropping hints to bae that ur ready

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arrogantdad:

my mom told me that in high school she used to get boyfriends at the beginning of February so they had enough time to get her a valentines day gift and then break up with them the day after and just keep the gift and one day she told her parents about it and they made her keep her boyfriend at least until the end of February and so she did and that boy is now my dad

j5h:

j5h:

my dick is itchy I think i have herpes

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snoia:

snoia:

a new sex position called 11. two people lying in a bed together. fully clothed and chilling. bonding is more important than sex

IM REPORTING MYSELF

fruitcrocs:

if you’ve ever stepped on a dog’s foot and didn’t apologise like ur life depended on it please let me know now so i can get a restraining order

elijahkrantz:

I found out santa wasnt real because I got a spy kit that christmas so i fingerprinted my mom and matched it to the fingerprints i dusted on the milk mug i left out… Im on that next level shit

methbusters:

who wants to hire me as their maid i’m not gonna clean im just gonna wear a cute maid outfit dust like 6 things and bend down a lot